IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Health experts claim that walking is known to be beneficial to health. However, people are walking less on a daily basis. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to encourage people to walk more again?

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Introduction
Nowadays many peoples
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
 less on a daily basis.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it's very risky
due to
Linking Words
 our
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 purpose.
Body paragraph 1
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 you
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 across many
people
Use synonyms
 around
as
Correct word choice
who
show examples
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
 everywhere they go.
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 of the places are meant for walking but
according to
Linking Words
 our lives today many
people
Use synonyms
 find more safer
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 cars
instead
Linking Words
 of walking
due to
Linking Words
 theft or harmed robbers.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 the foods we are eating in our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
today's
Change noun form
today
show examples
 are full of chemicals,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 food from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
farm
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not safe at all, famers
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
 to make
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 growth rapid not knowing they kill the entire community.
Body paragraph 3
Also
Linking Words
 due to the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
today
Add a comma
today,
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 really
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
,for someone to walk is seen as if is wasting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Becouse
Correct your spelling
Because
 time
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 moving like something else.
Body paragraph 4
For blue-collar
Change preposition
Blue-collar
show examples
 workers are
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
safer because
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 are the
people
Use synonyms
 struggling hard to get daily bread so they can do a lot of walking to
same
Correct your spelling
save
show examples
 the money for
up keep
Correct your spelling
upkeep
show examples
.
Body paragraph 5
Incontrast
Correct your spelling
In contrast
people
Use synonyms
 who are financially stable are in
dangerous
Add an article
a dangerous
show examples
 situation because most of them
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 meals without discipline and they use
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 cars whenever they go,
hence
Linking Words
 there bodies accumulate
along of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fats
Fix the agreement mistake
fat
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day they get heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
.
Conclusion
In my
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I suggest
people
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to consider walking as
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 daily routine.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay directly addresses the questions posed, which are the reasons people walk less and solutions to encourage walking. Include specific points directly related to these questions.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by organizing the essay into clear, logical paragraphs each with a central idea. Transition smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. An introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion should be used.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen cohesion, make use of linking words and phrases such as 'However', 'For instance', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', and 'Consequently'. This will help the reader understand how your ideas are connected.
task achievement
Provide detailed examples and evidence to support the main points. Instead of making generalizations, use specific examples that illustrate your ideas more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Work on clear essay structure by including a clear introductory statement, followed by body paragraphs that each introduce and elaborate on a single main point, and conclude with a summary of the essay's main points and your recommendations or implications.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling to improve clarity and accuracy. Avoid run-on sentences and strive for sentence variety.
task achievement
Review vocabulary usage to ensure that words and phrases are used correctly and are appropriate for the context. Aim for a variety of vocabulary to express ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, restate the main points succinctly before presenting your own viewpoint or suggesting a solution. Be clear and concise to leave a strong final impression.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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