IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to reduce crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The importance of safeguarding communities from criminals should be the foremost priority of any government.
However
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, there are two contrasting views regarding how
this
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 can be achieved. One section of society believes that imposing long-term imprisonment on offenders helps reduce
crime
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,
while
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 others argue that there are more effective,
alternative
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 methods. In my opinion,
alternative
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 strategies
such
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 as proper guidance and strict regulations appear to be more sustainable and impactful. Apparently, people who support longer prison sentences argue that
this
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 policy removes offenders from society, thereby preventing them from committing
further
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 unethical acts.
In other words
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, life in prison is often harsh—consisting of basic and less nutritious food, uncomfortable beds, and physically demanding daily routines. These conditions may lead to a sense of self-realization that discourages future criminal
behaviour
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.
For example
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, studies have shown that individuals who spend over a year in prison are statistically less likely to re-offend and are more inclined to reintegrate as responsible members of society.
On the other hand
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,
alternative
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 approaches are not only more humane but
also
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 offer long-term solutions to criminal
behaviour
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.
Firstly
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, authorities can educate citizens about laws and civic responsibilities through seminars and legal awareness campaigns. These programs raise public understanding of the consequences of
crime
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, thereby encouraging law-abiding
behaviour
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.
Secondly
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, improving infrastructure and expanding access to education and employment opportunities can significantly reduce
crime
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 rates.
For instance
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, academic guidance and skill-based training equip individuals with in-demand capabilities, enhancing their career prospects and reducing the financial desperation that often drives criminal activity.
Hence
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,
such
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 proactive strategies tackle the root causes of
crime
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 more effectively than punitive measures alone. In conclusion,
while
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 long-term imprisonment may offer a quick fix to criminal
behaviour
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,
alternative
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 approaches are more effective in promoting lasting change. Educating the public and expanding access to jobs and education not only create opportunities but
also
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 help to eliminate the criminal mindset from its roots.

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task achievement
While your arguments are quite strong, you might want to expand slightly on your points regarding the impact of long-term imprisonment. Providing more data or examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between certain paragraphs, which will improve cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
To improve your introduction, you could briefly mention what the alternative methods are before presenting the opinions. This could help to clarify the topic for the reader right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear sections for each viewpoint and a strong concluding statement.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrent
  • Recidivism
  • Incarceration
  • Rehabilitation
  • Overcrowded prisons
  • Financial burden
  • Preventive measures
  • Restorative justice
  • Social reintegration
  • Recidivism rates
  • Evidence-based policies
  • Public safety
  • Ample time
  • Convicted criminals
  • Root causes
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