IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that technology, such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#believe #technology #phones #cell #interaction
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Nowadays, society believes that the improvement of
technology
Use synonyms
 and mobile devices reduces the social relationships and
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 between humans day by day in a bad way.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I tend to disagree and will explain why.
To begin
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 with, the main purpose of the mobile phone and advanced
technology
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 is to make communication easier. In the smartphone,
for instance
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, people can use video calls or voice sound features to have conversations with others freely without any concerns about distance and time.
Furthermore
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, if folks just want to have a brief talk,
thus
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 they can just type with a chat function or
for example
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 with Messenger.
Secondly
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, in fact,
technology
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 actually increases the number of social interactions.
This
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 issue was raised by Meta, who said that since 2020, when COVID-19 and everything is digitalisation, humans tend to use Social Media and Networking platforms online to communicate, even the percentage increased to 80%. The survey
also
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 states that easy, efficient, and cheap are the reasons why people prefer to use their devices to interact with each other.
Moreover
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 , Meta added that social media interaction is very useful not only for getting in touch with family and friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 for improving the potential of business and marketing,
in other words
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,
technology
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as well as
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 online platforms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 with the money factor. In conclusion, though most societies assume that
technology
Use synonyms
 decreases reactions between fellows, the reality is different. Precisely digital era makes people increasingly talk with each other because of some beneficial factors
such
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 as simple, cost-savvy, and time-savvy.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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task response
Try to present a clear and more developed thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
To achieve higher coherence, ensure logical flow by using a variety of linking words and phrases.
task response
While some examples are provided, aim to include more specific, detailed examples to strongly support your points. Use statistics, research or specific instances where technology has enhanced social interaction.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of repetitive phrases or ideas. Variety in language use will make your argument more engaging and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep paragraphs well-structured with clear topic sentences at the beginning. Each paragraph should develop a single main idea.
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