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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the salad days of the millennium,
this
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 society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding the notion of whether there should be some advanced changes in agriculture or not.
People
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 have different mindsets on
this
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 phenomenon.
This
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 essay will look into both aspects under scrutiny prior to drawing a meaningful verdict. The first and foremost reason why
people
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 affirm the former view of changing the ways in which agriculture is practised is that it will help to boost the economy of the
country
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. In India,
for example
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, if new fruits and vegetables are grown with new technology,
then
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 they will be in high demand in other countries , as they will be available in India only.
Therefore
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, these will be exported to other countries.
As a result
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, the economy of the
country
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 will improve. Another reason worth considering is that it will provide job opportunities to many
people
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.
Hence
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, it reduces poverty in the
country
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.
On the contrary
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, proponents of the latter viewpoints
also
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 uphold valid arguments and illustrate that the agricultural advancements ,
such
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 as factory farming , cause damage to the environment.
For instance
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, most of the factories release greenhouse gases into the air, which causes the greenhouse effect.
Consequently
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, these factories are not good for the environment
as well as
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 human lives.
To conclude
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, after thorough research on both sides of the given statements, it cannot be clearer that the developments do have significant benefits for a
country
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 and its
people
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, but they do have some disadvantages. Considering both the viewpoints, I opine that developments in agriculture should be made as it is more beneficial for a
country
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 as a whole.

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task response
Your essay covers both sides and gives your own view, which shows good task response.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence to show what it will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Break long sentences into shorter ones so the meaning is clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas connect from one point to the next.
content
Balanced view on both sides before giving your own opinion.
structure
Clear overall structure with an introduction, body and conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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