Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies.

In the 21st century,
information
is one of the most valuable assets to be possessed.
This
is because it helps us get out of the confines of the walls of our houses and connect ourselves with the rest of the world. At the same time, the ungoverned
access
to the private
data
is a threat which cannot be ignored.
While
this
essay will discuss points that advocate both sides of the argument, in my opinion, the opportunities created by convenient
access
to
information
far outweigh the danger of misusing the same. Brilliant minds and ideas do not necessarily come out of metro cities of many countries, by the invention of the internet and social media platforms, talent no longer goes unnoticed and unrewarded.
This
was not the case two or three decades ago. The
access
to
information
has given a platform to the world to come together at a common marketplace and exchange ideas to grow together. An opposing view to
this
could be that the sensitivity of personal
data
is not protected enough
toprevent
Correct your spelling
to prevent
its potential misuse.
While
this
is a valid point, cybersecurity as a concept is getting its due importance as we head into a
data
-driven world.
For instance
, the governments summon the top executives of social media platforms over alleged breach of privacy of the user's
data
. With stricter laws in place, incidents of
data
theft and compromising confidentiality can be minimized.
To conclude
, I would say a glass is always half full or half empty, it is upon us how we look at it. The benefits of connecting people worldwide through
access
to
information
and bringing out brilliant minds from remote locations have an edge over the threat to society of
data
misuse.
Submitted by nihalshetty384 on

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relevant specific examples
To improve further, try to incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. For instance, you could mention specific cases of talent discovery via social media or particular incidents of data misuse for a more compelling argument.
logical structure
Work on ensuring even tighter logical connections between paragraphs. For example, use more clear transitional phrases or sentences to signal shifts in argument or perspective.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly articulate your main argument.
logical structure
The essay has a well-organized structure, with a clear presentation of points for and against the uncontrolled access to information.
supported main points
Your main points are supported adequately, creating a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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