Some people believe that sending criminals to prison is ineffective. Instead, vocational education and training should be used. Do you agree or disagree?

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In several nations, imprisonment is witnessed as a better solution to deter crimes, but other people strongly advocate that education systems and job training are needed to prevent lawless cases. I partly agree with both viewpoints. The following paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will
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highlight my personal perspective. On the one hand, proper education and training systems for crime cases play vital roles in changing a person's
mindsets
Fix the agreement mistake
mindset
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and behaviours which affects their morals and values. From that, wrongdoers will have a chance to remake their lives and plan for their future.
As a consequence
, learning enlightens their
live
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lives
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as they will able to earn respect from society.
In addition
,
this
is
suitable
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a suitable
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punishment for minor cases
such
as shoplifting and pickpocketing. It can encourage crooks to get through their past and move to a better future.
On the other hand
, I
also
cannot deny the efficiency that imprisonment brings to us. Incarceration is a great way to deter citizen who breaks the law. Especially for the crimes who join in corporate fraud, embezzlement or money
laudering
Correct your spelling
laundering
. Even though they have outstanding performances and the skill proficiency to earn money, they still are greedy.
Therefore
, they do not need to be educated as they already are, they need to be sent to jail to understand the consequences of their crimes. In conclusion, I partly agree that quality education is needed to encourage lawful behaviours.
This
is because it does not make sense to educate individuals who are already educated. Deterrence and strong punishment are needed for
this
case.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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Task Achievement
Provide concrete examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing specific rehabilitation programs or recidivism statistics for those who receive vocational education as opposed to prison sentences.
Task Achievement
While your essay shows a good understanding of the topic, consider exploring the nuances of the argument more deeply, discussing further why vocational training might work only for certain crimes or criminals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs with the use of cohesive devices, which can help to more clearly mark your arguments and lead the reader through your line of reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, strive to paraphrase the question and your thesis statement more effectively to show a wide range of vocabulary and sentence structures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying the structure of your sentences throughout the essay. This will create more rhythm and make the text more interesting to read.
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