IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The efficient functioning of society is based on rules and laws. Society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The establishment of legislation is a focal point of contemporary societal discussions.
While
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 some argue that granting absolute privilege to entities would lead to a well-functioning
society
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, I would contend that a structured framework of statutes is indispensable for maintaining a community’s order.
Firstly
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, rules and
laws
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 provide a framework that defines acceptable behaviour and delineates societal norms. Without lawful guidelines, individuals may act solely based on personal inclinations, leading to chaos and discord in daily life. Traffic regulations,
for instance
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, ensure a systematic flow of vehicles, preventing accidents and maintaining order on roads. The absence of
such
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 rules would likely result in traffic anarchy, endangering numerous lives.
Moreover
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, a body of
laws
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 serves as a deterrent to potential wrongdoing, discouraging citizens from engaging in harmful or antisocial activities and fostering a sense of societal responsibility. Criminal
laws
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,
for example
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, deter theft, fraud, and violence, contributing to the
overall
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 safety and security of
society
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.
On the other hand
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,
laws
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 are prone to place a limit on individuals' freedom and can at least appear to inhibit social progress. Harsh
laws
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 could obstruct creativity and discourage people from expressing their views. Take freedom of speech as an example; if the press and public had no opportunity to voice their concerns, a country could not pinpoint and tackle some problems
such
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 as corruption and bureaucracy.
As a result
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,
society
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 could not fulfil the function of improving or even overhauling its system and policies regularly to serve the interests of the public. In conclusion, the efficient functioning of a community is intricately tied to the establishment and adherence to rules and
laws
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.
While
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 individual freedom is crucial, it may exist within the boundaries set by a legal framework to maintain a
society
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 that thrives on stability and security.

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into how rules and laws pertain to different aspects of society and expound on specific impacts these have. Include more diverse examples from various fields such as healthcare, education, and economics to illustrate the breadth of laws' influences.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, strive to use a diverse range of transitional phrases that not only show the order of information but also the relationship between ideas. Although the essay has a good flow, varying sentence structures and connectors could enhance readability and provide a smoother narrative transition between points.
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