IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

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In modern times, an increasing concern for many
people
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 around the world is that the rising
crime
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 rates have increased greatly. The causes of
this
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 phenomenon are variants and have led to a wide range of effects on human life. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons why species loss is occurring and how we can address
this
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 issue for
people
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 and the world. From an
overall
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 perspective,
to begin
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, why do various numbers of species come under threat? The primary cause of
this
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 phenomenon is poverty is one of the leading causes of
crime
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. In many low-income areas,
people
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 struggle to meet their basic needs, including food and shelter, which can push them towards criminal activities. They may resort to theft, robbery, and other illegal means to provide for themselves and their families.
Therefore
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, it is important for governments to address poverty through various means.
Such
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 as creating job opportunities, increasing wages, and providing basic needs to help reduce the incidence of
crime
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. To address the species loss is numerous and potentially serious. If the government assists
this
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 group of
people
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 by arranging vocational training, funding money to do business and providing unskilled jobs to meet basic needs.
For instance
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, if one person gets employment from a family, he or she can support their parents and siblings.
As a result
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, the
crime
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 rate significantly decreases. In conclusion, the rise in
crime
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 is a complex issue that requires a comprehensive approach. By addressing the root causes of criminal need and implementing effective strategies to combat
crime
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, governments and communities can work together to create a safer and more secure society for all.

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task response
Please ensure that you address the essay topic directly and maintain a consistent focus on answering both parts of the question: the main causes of crime and how to deal with them. The introduction of unrelated topics, such as species loss, confuses the reader and deviates from the task.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point. The introduction should clearly state your understanding of the topic, followed by separate paragraphs for each cause and proposed solution, and a coherent conclusion that summarizes your points.
task response
Include specific examples and reasons to support your ideas about the causes of crime and the possible solutions. These examples help illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your essay has a logical flow by connecting ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases. The use of cohesive devices helps to guide the reader through your argument and understand the relationship between your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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