Essay Question: Some people think that to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately-owned vehicles should be banned in city centres, while others consider this to be an unrealistic solution. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In order to solve the issue of traffic congestion in cities, some people suggest that private
cars
should be forbidden.
However
, some other people think
this
is not practical. I will discuss both viewpoints and give reasons to explain why I prefer the latter one. First of all, the number of private
cars
experienced a huge increase in the past decades, the reasons for
this
are the increasing population of urban cities and the lower prices a
car
costs.
Therefore
, the surge in the number of private
cars
without proper organisation leads to the problem of traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
. A part of
citizens
believe that banning private
cars
can improve
this
situation because it forces
citizens
to use more public transportation.
Moreover
,
this
measure can
also
reduce emissions from vehicles and improve the urban environment.
However
, other parts of
citizens
do not agree with
this
point of view because
this
solution is not practical for
citizens
and I stand with
this
opinion.
Although
there are positive effects exist, banning private
cars
thoroughly can not bring
citizens
a better life. Some urban
citizens
might have the chance to live without a
car
, but in the case of those who live far from the downtown, a private
car
can help them go to work conveniently.
For example
, buses do not always arrive on time and there are not enough railway lines can support
citizens
' daily work.
On the other hand
, a private
car
could be very useful if bad weather comes by.
Hence
, banning private
cars
is not a good way to reduce congestion, we should figure out how to tackle
this
problem
while
balancing
citizens
' daily lives.
To sum up
, the increasing number of vehicles creates traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
in cities. But I do not think
this
is the right solution because of the potential inconvenience.
Submitted by ffff815 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance. For a higher score, the introduction could include a thesis statement which outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Logical Structure
Increase the use of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. Think about using linking words and phrases to help connect ideas more coherently.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points further with more detailed explanations and examples. This will add depth to your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt, but to achieve a higher score, make sure to cover all parts of the question. Discuss both sides of the argument in equal measure, and provide a clear explanation of your own opinion.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. These examples should support your argument and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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