IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Living in a world afflicted with climate change and regional conflicts, many
people
Use synonyms
 are contemplating the problem of whether we have inherent moral responsibilities for
people
Use synonyms
 living in other countries who are suffering from these disasters. In my view, despite empathising with the concern, I would prioritise local
people
Use synonyms
's welfare.
This
Linking Words
 perspective may sound selfish,
however
Linking Words
, it not only fits humans' nature but
also
Linking Words
 lays a solid moral foundation for helping the unknown.
First,
Linking Words
it is self-evident, as Confuzi claims, that humans are inclined to develop a sense of responsibility towards
people
Use synonyms
 whom they are familiar with. For illustration, my parents definitely have more affection for me than my cousins, which is not purely
due to
Linking Words
 kinship, but
also
Linking Words
 owing to their familiarity with me. For them, I am so specific with all particular characteristics,
such
Linking Words
 as liking dinosaurs, and always playing with cats, that they cannot imagine ignoring me when I am suffering.
This
Linking Words
 is the moral foundation that underlies the mysterious and shared feeling that I have responsibility for others, though often attached by biologists a tag that we are merely selfish animals. In light of
this
Linking Words
, the limits behind the claim that we ought to help all
people
Use synonyms
 have surfaced. It is irrefutable that the claim is "right", with strong moral feelings,
whereas
Linking Words
 it overlooks a basic reality that
although
Linking Words
 there have been a few heroes who sacrifice themselves for the well-being of strangers,
this
Linking Words
 is not a conduct can be widespread since it lacks the feeling bases that can be shared by ordinary
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if they consciously excavate the public potential of the instinct of caring acquaintances, the seemingly selfish nature can be altruistic.
For example
Linking Words
, fully utilising newspapers and the Internet to make those suffering from starvation more tangible, which can stimulate
people
Use synonyms
's compassion for them. In summary, though the essay appreciates the good willingness to help
people
Use synonyms
 in other countries, it cannot be achieved by excluding human nature to care more about local inhabitants.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, we should allow
this
Linking Words
 instinct to develop naturally and introduce abstract "others" into its eyesight,
for example
Linking Words
, through media or the Internet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure the thesis statement reflects a clear stance, "to what extent" you agree or disagree. It's a bit unclear at the moment.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the second body paragraph. It could use a more straightforward topic sentence to set up the argument better.
introduction conclusion present
The topic introduction is clear and provides an engaging starting point for the reader.
supported main points
Good use of personal examples to reinforce main points and illustrate ideas.
logical structure
Logical flow is present, with the essay building naturally from one idea to the next.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: