In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
It is argued that
instead
of renting a place
to live, many people
prefer to own a home
. In my opinion, a home
lets people
create their own safe place
, thus
, I believe brings major benefits for those who are unable to own a home
.
To begin
with, many people
choose to live in a home
since it provides broader facilities to be constructed with, later on, to be used. Unlike renting a building in which all the facilities already exist, a private place
allows the owner to be imaginative in the way they design every room and its occasion. Additionally
, home
allows people
especially families to acquire a private life, where they can independently organize every room. For example
, before marriage, many young people
initially
lived in an apartment while
working. Once they married and had kids, they decided to buy a house where they could build up the connection and plan the future.
In a term of the benefits of the aforementioned situation, I believe that it creates a positive impact for those who are interested in renting a place
. Additionally
, the availability of various flats or apartments also
has been affected by this
phenomenon, which leads the agent to reduce the cost of the price. Consequently
, many people
are able to provide one at an affordable price. For instance
, numerous apartments in Bandung only cost around 3 million rupiah since not only the citizens but immigrants also
preferred to build a house in the suburban areas of Bandung.
In conclusion, people
choose to live in a home
because it allows them to get larger amenities. Other than that, this
situation also
helps those who are unfortunate enough to own one, to rent their place
at a much cheaper price.Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that both parts of the prompt are addressed equally. While you covered why homeownership is important, the discussion on whether this is a positive or negative situation needs to be more developed. Include specific examples and reasons for your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay shows good coherence and logical structure overall, make more use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together. Creating smoother transitions between points will increase the readability and cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
To support your main points, incorporate a wider range of relevant, specific examples. Concrete examples bring your arguments to life and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistent accuracy in grammar and varied sentence structures to improve the overall fluency of the essay. This aspect is important for showing language proficiency.