With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?
It is undeniable that
Correct article usage
the health
health care
system has become an essential part of our life. It’s developing rapidly. Various achievements have been made already. All of them Correct your spelling
healthcare
helping
us to gain new knowledge and Wrong verb form
help
saves
many lives every single day. It Correct subject-verb agreement
save
provides
us to feel better and live longer.
One of the main positives of Verb problem
allows
this
is that people
’s chances of surviving to old age improved substantially in all world regions, and those who survive to age 60 can also
expect to live longer than in years past. Turning to the other side of the argument, living in capitalistic
world, makes everything unaffordable. That’s the main reason why younger Add an article
a capitalistic
people
don’t rush to build their own family and have kids. Here’s why the number of elderly people
is increasing.
One of the main aspects of the problem is that elderly people
require more help and support for obvious reasons. To tackle this
problem people
should build more houses for elderly people
. It will provide their security, also
they could find many like-minded people
and get the right treatment. Another option could be decreasing prices and making life more affordable, so younger
generation would have more chances to survive. It Correct article usage
the younger
contribute
to Change the verb form
contributes
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
the
population, which is indeed, since we are facing Change preposition
in the
such
problem
as the threat of extinction.
Having Fix the agreement mistake
problems
weighted
everything mentionedCorrect your spelling
weighed
up
, we can come to Change preposition
apply
a
conclusion that Correct article usage
the
society
still not ready to cope with the increase in Add a verb
society is
society was
Correct article usage
the numbers
numbers
of elderly Fix the agreement mistake
number
people
.Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the main points of the prompt, it would benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to support its arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing the logical flow and focusing on stronger paragraph transitions would make the essay easier to follow.
general
Grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing should be corrected to improve clarity.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion and mentions the achievements in healthcare.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of increased life expectancy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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