IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Although
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 many
people
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 believe that eating
meat
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 or fish is dangerous for health and the environment reason, others prefer to eat these
foods
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 to get more nutrition. My perspective view rather not support
this
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 statement regards non-veg
foods
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.
However
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, both view has their reasons for concluding
this
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 essay, which will be provided in the following paragraphs. On one side, why
people
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 should not consume
meat
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 or any seafood? The foremost one lies that it directly or indirectly affects the human body to sense the malfunction properly.
This
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 leads to improper working brain senses and
also
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 may be chances to fail the heart rate.
For example
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, in India, there were 60% of
people
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 died
due to
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 having a heart attack instantly
while
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 doing cardio exercise and
therefore
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 research found that there was abundant
meat
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 consumption.
Hence
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,
it is clear that
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 non-vegetarian
foods
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 are not good for
people
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 to have a long life. Another point about the environmental reason,
whereas
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 many
also
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 think that
this
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 food contains diseases and a bunch of chemicals which
people
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 are not aware of how does it affect the planet and human beings and not have understanding skills.
Due to
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 the over-consumption of
meat
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 or fish individuals can disturb the natural cycle and overcome the sea population which is against the culture of religious
people
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.
For instance
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, Hindus do not consider
this
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 type of food which is opposite to their belief system.
However
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, they state that animals have feelings and their living standards as humans have. In conclusion, it is the obvious reason that animals have their feelings and
people
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 have the best option to eat vegetarian
foods
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such
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 as plants, fruits and so on. In
this
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 way, everyone can save the world and get benefits from each other by quitting non-veg.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that outline your view and summarise your main points respectively. Make sure that these sections are distinct and encapsulate the essence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Back up your main points with specific examples or evidence. These examples should be relevant and detailed to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address the task fully by discussing both sides of the argument and give your own opinion with a clear rationale. Ensure that your opinion is consistent throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas more coherently and comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is expanded upon with explanations and examples.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. Examples should be relevant to the topic and clearly illustrate your argument, enhancing the persuasive element of your essay.
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