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Band 6.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #impact #individuals #society
There is a school of thought that social media
platforms
 exert significant adverse effects on both
individuals
 and
society
. From my perspective, I agree with
this
 opinion to some extent. On one hand, social networking sites undeniably offer numerous advantages to
individuals
, fostering a broader sense of community.
Firstly
, they serve as a conduit for continuous updates on global affairs, including political developments and financial trends.
Moreover
, they facilitate maintaining familial connections and even fostering new relationships.
Lastly
, they serve as invaluable
platforms
 for expanding one's knowledge and skills through the sharing of useful information and access to free educational resources, thereby enhancing career prospects.
However
, the flip side of the coin reveals that social media
platforms
 can
harbor
Change the spelling
harbour
show examples
 substantial detrimental consequences for both
individuals
 and
society
 at large.
Firstly
, the ubiquitous dissemination of information on these
platforms
 often blurs the line between truth and falsehood, leading
individuals
 to engage
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 misleading or fabricated content.
Furthermore
, the ease of connectivity can expose users to various risks,
such
 as falling victim to scams or unwittingly engaging in illegal activities. Notably, the pervasive phenomenon of peer pressure among the younger demographic can be directly attributed to the influence of social media
platforms
. Alarmingly, recent reports indicate a significant surge in mental health issues among young people, with the prevalence more than doubling over the past decade. With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. I believe that social networking sites can originally assist humans and
society
;
however
, they bring far more significant harm to both
individuals
 and
society
Submitted by lethithut123 on

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Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples or data to enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider the use of linking phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, further improving coherence.
Task Achievement
Keep developing your ideas thoroughly but remember to stay focused to maintain relevance to the question posed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Regularly practice summarizing your arguments in the conclusion more strongly to leave a lasting impact on the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
You introduced and concluded your essay effectively, guiding the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, which aided in conveying your argument clearly.
Task Achievement
Your essay addressed the topic thoroughly, presenting a balanced view which effectively answers the question.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
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