When children start school , teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Parents and
teacher
have Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
major
influence Add an article
a major
in
Change preposition
on
children
growth Change noun form
children's
on
their intellectual and social portion, especially when school season Change preposition
in
is start
. From my perspective, I disagree Change the verb form
starts
teacher
have more impact, Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
on the
contrary
the father and mother have more effect on the development around 60%.
Children have tendencies to copy Add the comma(s)
contrary,
of
what their parents do, who Change preposition
apply
they
friends are and how they behave. If they have a good supporting family with Correct pronoun usage
their
strong
bond as well Add an article
a strong
good
communication with each other, usually the kid will have a good personality and great confidence. Correct word choice
as good
Furthermore
, youngster
will have more courage to find the answer Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
of
their problems without Change preposition
to
have
a fear of wrong and always have their family for Change the verb form
having
back up
. Correct your spelling
backup
On the other hand
, with non functional
family more likely their offspring will have a bad personality because they don't have Add a hyphen
non-functional
figure
to guide them Fix the agreement mistake
figures
of
how Change preposition
on
the
society works. Usually, they will find Correct article usage
apply
this
benchmark in other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
such
as friends, teacher
and public Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
figure
but sometimes they will choose Fix the agreement mistake
figures
a
wrong person to become their reference.
The other 40% of influence came from outside of the family, especially Correct article usage
the
teacher
. A good Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
teacher
will help their students in their study
and help them prepare for Fix the agreement mistake
studies
academic
Add an article
the academic
an academic
test
, Fix the agreement mistake
tests
however
they will not involved enough in Add a comma
however,
the
social life because they need to take careChange the word
their
1
whole class. Change preposition
of 1
Teacher
cannot choose or make them do anything that they think is good or fit, it's all the Fix the agreement mistake
Teachers
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
the choices that they make.
The Change preposition
for
conlusion
of the statement above is, Correct your spelling
conclusion
family
Correct word choice
that family
is become
the core development of Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
the
children. The parents have the right to mold their offspring Correct article usage
apply
to
they see fit until they can think what the best for themself.Change preposition
as
Submitted by awalia.septiani.17 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay, ensure that your ideas are more logically organized, which includes consistent use of appropriate paragraphs and clear logical progression of ideas. Transition words can help to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should summarize your main points effectively, reinforcing your initial stance.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points, include more developed ideas and arguments. Expand upon your ideas with more in-depth analysis or discussion to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While you are responding to the task, aim for a more complete and balanced response. Address the prompt fully by discussing both views (teachers' and parents' influence) before stating your position. Provide a clear, concise argument that logically leads to your conclusion.
task achievement
In your essay, work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. Consider creating a more structured approach to discussing points, with a clear topic sentence and concluding sentence for each paragraph.
task achievement
You have included relevant specific examples, which is good. Now, try to link these examples more effectively to the theoretical points you're discussing. Ensure that each example reinforces your argument directly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.