In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation

A phenomenon regarding

the

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youngsters' preference for work-based training

instead

of attending university has brought various benefits and drawbacks. From my perspective, the downsides can outweigh the advantages.

For instance

, when enrolling in work-based training, individuals have the opportunity to unlock new skills that have never been found before.

Moreover

, it offers valuable work experience and expands the networking net with various expertise in specific fields.

As a result

, shaping them to be quality people who are ready for the future.

Furthermore

, a rarity in job availability could easily be tackled here with the advantages young people get.

On the other hand

, there are a few downsides of opting to not attend university.

Firstly

, it will gradually decrease youngsters' quantity who pursue academic careers.

Thus

, academia will drastically fall in high numbers. In the long run, it will directly affect the educational institution.

Secondly

, it ingrains the corporate slave mentality,

thus

developing a modern slavery society which brings an abundance of negatives.

This

will undoubtedly create huge societal gaps and hierarchies between the rich and the poor. In the near future, the poor will always remain poor and their voices will not be heard as much.

At the end

of the day, capitalism will slowly be implemented in all societal aspects of humanity. In conclusion, opting to enrol in work-based training greatly brings more harm rather than benefits.

This

pushes youngsters, who are vulnerable, to the capitalist society. Other than that, it is the start of the destruction of the educational institution with most of them not caring for academics again.

Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on Thu Jan 25 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

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Coherence & Cohesion

While an introduction and conclusion are present, strive to make them stronger. The introduction could more specifically outline the forthcoming discussion, and the conclusion should more decisively summarize the key points made.

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Support your main points with more detailed explanations and examples. Each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence and expand upon the point with evidence or examples.

Task Achievement

To achieve a complete response, ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. While you've discussed advantages and disadvantages, the essay should also weigh these against each other in a more balanced manner.

Task Achievement

Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by thoroughly exploring the implications of each advantage and disadvantage. More depth and analysis will make your essay stronger.

Task Achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points you're making. This will make your argument more convincing and fulfill the task requirement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
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such as
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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

work-based training
enrol
university
advantages
disadvantages
practical skills
experience
workforce
employment
earnings
opportunities
further education
theoretical knowledge
career options
exploitation
balance

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In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss bothe sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familier with. Discuss both these attitudes and give your opinion.

People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. to whta extent do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems