One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In modern society, the advancement of technology and various inventions, especially in the medical field, has greatly contributed to medical

care

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improvement.

Thus

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, civilians' opportunity to get the best health

care

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also

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increased, resulting in the possibility of living longer and a surge in life expectancy.

Nonetheless

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, there are several negatives that I believe will outweigh the benefits.

To begin

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with, more advanced medical

care

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offers a variety of health services and medicines that could cater to the needs of diverse people.

Thus

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, the possibility of getting cured of a dangerous illness,

such

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as cancer is big. In the long run, the death expectancy will be drastically fallen.

For instance

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, a heart attack is one of the biggest causes of death in all age groups, so preventing it from happening through the advancement of medical

treatment

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will safely put the population at a comfortable stake.

On the other hand

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, the increased life expectancy will bring various problems that should be taken into account.

Firstly

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, in most developing countries, it will increase the medical

bill

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bills

show examples

covered by the government. One of the most prominent examples is in Indonesia with its BPJS,

thus

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the government is pushed to allocate more funds to helping individuals get the best medical

treatment

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based on their needs.

Secondly

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, the humongous amount of older generations can be a drawback that impacts the countries' growth and development.

For example

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, the increase in cases of older people caused the need to build more retirement houses the local governments.

As a result

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, more fund allocation is required.

Moreover

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, most older individuals tend to be the government's responsibility,

such

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as providing them

care

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treatment

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, and other necessities. In conclusion, the improvements made in medical

treatment

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can be both beneficial and negative. Regardless, the drawbacks obviously outweigh the advantages with the surge in medical bills, an abundance of older people, and big fund allocation specifically for them.

alyarachmadivaaThu Jan 25 2024

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coherence cohesion

Make sure the structure of your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay has these elements, but you should work on linking them more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Develop your main points with specific examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your argument. Although you've provided examples, they need to be more detailed and directly linked to your main points.

task achievement

You have addressed the task, however, the content could be more fully developed. Try to evenly discuss the advantages and disadvantages, providing clear and direct responses to the question.

task achievement

Ensure that your essay has a balanced and nuanced argument. It seems you have a clear opinion, but the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat lacking in detail and consideration.

coherence cohesion

Use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together. While you have some linking words, the flow from one idea to the next can be improved for better readability.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
elderly population
health care systems
pension funds
extended family relationships
quality of life
aging population
economic growth
volunteer work
expertise
financial planning
retirement
age-related diseases
medical research
healthier lifestyles

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationship. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers and explain from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?