One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In modern society, the advancement of technology and various inventions, especially in the medical field, has greatly contributed to medical
care
improvement.
Thus
, civilians' opportunity to get the best health
care
also
increased, resulting in the possibility of living longer and a surge in life expectancy.
Nonetheless
, there are several negatives that I believe will outweigh the benefits.
To begin
with, more advanced medical
care
offers a variety of health services and medicines that could cater to the needs of diverse people.
Thus
, the possibility of getting cured of a dangerous illness,
such
as cancer is big. In the long run, the death expectancy will be drastically fallen.
For instance
, a heart attack is one of the biggest causes of death in all age groups, so preventing it from happening through the advancement of medical
treatment
will safely put the population at a comfortable stake.
On the other hand
, the increased life expectancy will bring various problems that should be taken into account.
Firstly
, in most developing countries, it will increase the medical
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
covered by the government. One of the most prominent examples is in Indonesia with its BPJS,
thus
the government is pushed to allocate more funds to helping individuals get the best medical
treatment
based on their needs.
Secondly
, the humongous amount of older generations can be a drawback that impacts the countries' growth and development.
For example
, the increase in cases of older people caused the need to build more retirement houses the local governments.
As a result
, more fund allocation is required.
Moreover
, most older individuals tend to be the government's responsibility,
such
as providing them
care
,
treatment
, and other necessities. In conclusion, the improvements made in medical
treatment
can be both beneficial and negative. Regardless, the drawbacks obviously outweigh the advantages with the surge in medical bills, an abundance of older people, and big fund allocation specifically for them.
Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure the structure of your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay has these elements, but you should work on linking them more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your argument. Although you've provided examples, they need to be more detailed and directly linked to your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, however, the content could be more fully developed. Try to evenly discuss the advantages and disadvantages, providing clear and direct responses to the question.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a balanced and nuanced argument. It seems you have a clear opinion, but the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat lacking in detail and consideration.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together. While you have some linking words, the flow from one idea to the next can be improved for better readability.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: