In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishments. To what extent do you agree

Several people feel that the crime rates performed by adolescents
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
increasing, and some societies consider that teenagers who commit
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
ought to obtain adult punishments regardless of age. I totally agree with
this
statement because receiving a punishment can make conscious youngsters and have a deterrent effect.
This
essay will elaborate in detail on the reasons for my stance
as well as
examples in the subsequent paragraph.
To begin
with, the primary reason is to give consciousness to adolescents. The retribution of an adult is not only giving a penalty, but
also
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provides rehabilitation.
Therefore
,
this
situation will be able to disenchant young men that they possess many potencies to change.
For instance
, when they are in rehabilitation processes, they are able to acquire some knowledge, and
this
activity is able to open their thinking.
Hence
,
this
will be more beneficial for teenagers and
also
for surrounding people.
Secondly
, another reason is receiving a deterrent effect on other teenagers who want to commit a similar act. If they know that their friends who perform major infringements, and
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gains
Correct subject-verb agreement
gain
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sanction, they are able to be afraid to do that action.
For example
, currently, many adolescents have fought with other people, and if they are caught by police, other young men will be afraid to perform that action.
To sum up
, receiving adult punishment for youngsters who commit major transgressions can awaken them and give an effect of deterrent to them. I suggest that parents should supply more knowledge and control their children.
Thus
, their children do not perform a criminal act.
Submitted by fifi on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow and structure by planning your essay before writing. Have a clear introduction, well-organized body paragraphs, and a conclusion that neatly summarises your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas presented in the essay are logically connected with appropriate use of linking words. Employ cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader from one point to the next.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and concrete examples to support the main points. Specific instances and cases add depth to the argument and make the essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Strive to achieve a balance in developing both sides of the argument, even if you hold a strong opinion. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on thoroughly responding to all parts of the question prompt. Make sure that you address the extent of your agreement consistently throughout the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Rehabilitation
  • Adolescent development
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Criminal justice system
  • Deterrence
  • Recidivism
  • Moral reasoning
  • Developmental psychology
  • Restorative justice
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