IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
people
Use synonyms
 have adopted certain habits to make life easy
such
Linking Words
 as a sedentary lifestyle which has detrimental effects in the near future. I firmly agree with the argument that some transformations are harmful to human
health
Use synonyms
. To commence with, there is no denying that at present
people
Use synonyms
 like to become inactive physically which ultimately affects individual
health
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are increasing disease rates in the world as obesity is one of the major concerns among
people
Use synonyms
 in society.
Secondly
Linking Words
, unhealthy food like fast food, carbohydrate drinks and frozen items has a huge impact on
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 as it deteriorates the immune system and
people
Use synonyms
 more prone to some life-threatening illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as cardiovascular diseases and uncontrolled infections.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the environment plays a vital role in human
health
Use synonyms
 in the contemporary world, changes in the environment
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation, bottleneck situations on the roads and deforestation have contributed to air pollution which worsens the air quality and
people
Use synonyms
 are under threat of global warming and respiratory diseases and at the future it surged to bad condition. For instance, cutting the plants and lands allocated for buildings or industries will scarcity of natural or organic sources of food.
In addition
Linking Words
, globally
people
Use synonyms
 face chronic pulmonary disease and asthma
due to
Linking Words
 carbon emissions. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 the living style and adaptation of certain things have jeopardized impact on the community
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 in the future these issues become worse if these are not addressed properly by the country's
people
Use synonyms
 or the government.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay presents a clear position and addresses the prompt effectively. However, consider refining your topic sentences to ensure that each paragraph's main point is unmistakably clear from the beginning.
task response
Work on developing your ideas further. Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, some of the points need better linkage and flow. Use more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical progression of your arguments. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally to the next, reinforcing your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay effectively.
task response
You have addressed a range of points relevant to the topic, showing good understanding of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally well-sized and focused, which helps maintain the reader's interest.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: