IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Supermarkets should only sell food produced within their own country. What are your opinions about it?

#supermarkets #food #country
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Nowadays, tremendous advancements in technology and supply chains lead to creating
further
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 possibilities.
For example
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, the import and export of various products to and from all over the world.
Hence
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, if going to a supermarket, you see certainly an imported product. It is said that merely domestic products should be sold in stores. There are good arguments for and against
this
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 statement, and I believe that it depends on some factors. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument. To a certain extent, I agree that people should purchase
foods
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 that are produced in their
country
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. Within a
country
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, there are numerous people who work as employees in a plethora of food factories. In order to profit, these factories need to have good sales. If we do not purchase from them, they will go bankrupt. Not only that, when
this
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 trend continues, the manager may lay off staff, leading to an increase in the unemployment rate.
Consequently
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,
this
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 has irreparable consequences for society,
such
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 as poverty or even crime.
Therefore
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, stores should sell local
foods
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 as much as possible
However
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, some
foods
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 we consume may not be found in our
country
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 climate conditions or geographical location.
For example
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, saffron , which is grown in Iran, needs a tropical climate to grow;
therefore
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, it cannot be grown in cold regions. Another example is Switzerland which does not have access to the sea or river; alternatively, the cocoa plant grows naturally in
this
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 area only.
Thus
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, we do not have all of the
foods
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 in our
country
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, and we have to buy imported
foods
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.
Hence
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, various measures should be taken by the government so that import only the
foods
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 that are not available inside the county
To conclude
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, it is said that only foodstuffs should be sold in the stores that are produced in our
country
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.
According to
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this
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 statement, we only can consume the
foods
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 that are produced in the
country
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;
otherwise
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, we cannot taste the
foods
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 that do not grow in the
country
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.
Furthermore
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, we should prioritize the purchase of domestically produced products so that we support the employees who work in the
country
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. In my opinion,
this
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 sentence cannot be generalized, and it depends on what the item is.
Submitted by mrg1373 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps with the structure of the argument. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, aim to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases that show the relationship between ideas more explicitly. This would enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs
Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic, but there is room to further develop your ideas with more specific examples and details. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use examples to support these ideas. This will help to achieve a higher band in task achievement
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