The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.

The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph shows the number of people taking
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.
To begin
Linking Words
with, badminton takes the lowest place on the graph and the number of people who took part in it remained flat,
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
1985 until 2005. Basketball ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
comes
next,
Linking Words
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
between numbers 50 and 100, the diagram of
this
Linking Words
sport looks almost the same
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
badminton , except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
number of participants, which was higher. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, basketball increased from 150 in 1985 to nearly 220 in 2005, that sport has the biggest indicators on the graph.
Instead
Linking Words
, rugby radically reduced from 240 numbers of people to 50 in 2005. But, the thing is, that tennis and rugby had something in common. It is the same point, which was formed in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995 at the mark of 200 participants. And
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
we see the huge difference in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
and reduction of sports.
Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • participation
  • trend
  • significant increase
  • decrease
  • stability
  • popularity
  • regional interest
  • key trends
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • local leagues
  • school programs
  • media influence
  • public health initiatives
  • availability of facilities
  • competitive success
  • fluctuations
  • impact
  • major tournaments
  • notable players
  • local clubs
  • coaching programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: