SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SPENDING A LOT OF MONEY ON BIRTHDAYS AND MARRIAGES CELEBRATIONS IS A WASTE OF MONEY BUT OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO THE YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE SOCIETY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
prefer to spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
such
events
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
birthday
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
or
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
there're
Correct your spelling
there are
show examples
some persons who think it's a waste of
money
. I agree with the seconds. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
you can find
Add an article
a
show examples
better use for
money
.
Besides
you don't
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
spend all
this
energy
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
preparation.
Instead
of squandering cash for
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
which
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
and
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
nothing
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
pleasant memories (or unpleasant)
people
can put (invest)
money
in their personal development. If they have
Correct article usage
a buseness
show examples
buseness
Correct your spelling
business
they could try to expand it. After
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
nobody cancelled charity. You can just spend the
money
another way which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
a
Correct pronoun usage
you a
show examples
lot of joy and amazing emotions.
For example
Add a comma
,
show examples
you can choose an awesome travel which
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
many interesting memories. I know some
people
who spent a vast amount of
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their marriage. After a few
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
they've got a divorce.Their
money
just went nowhere
as a result
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
a great celebration
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
a lot of energy. Organisers need to spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
for preparation
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
. They have to be attentive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
all details so it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
on
emotional
Add an article
the emotional
an emotional
show examples
sphere. You must be ready for all
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
because a lot of
money
's put
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
all must go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
according to
plan. I knew
case
Correct article usage
a case
show examples
(
ossasion
Correct your spelling
occasion
) when a luxurious wedding was darkened by
drunken
Correct article usage
a drunken
show examples
fight. It wasn't funny, the bride was crying and the guests
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
depressed. So
people
have their right to spend
money
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
, but I don't think it's productive amusement . If you have a possibility to get some useful and interesting impression without giving away your efforts you
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
to pick it.
Submitted by julykryuchkova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and briefly outline both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
structure
Organize your essay by discussing one view in one paragraph and the other view in a second paragraph before adding your opinion in a final paragraph for better coherence.
cohesion
Use a range of linking words to connect your ideas and ensure they follow in a logical order that's easy to understand.
development
Fully develop each of your main points with clear explanations and relevant examples.
consistency
Be consistent with your point of view throughout the essay and conclude with a summary of the arguments, restating your opinion.
examples
Provide specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors that can impede understanding and disrupt the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: