Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

It is highly debated that
music
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is a suitable method of bringing
people
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of various
cultures
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and
ages
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together. I partly agree with
this
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statement, and the reasons will be explained as follows. On the one hand, there are several reasons that lead to
music
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becoming a good way to stimulate interaction between
people
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from different
cultures
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and
ages
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.
To begin
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with, individuals from diverse
cultures
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usually face language barriers when they communicate.
However
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,
music
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can truly break the limit. Take Blackpink, a well-known K-pop team from Korea, as an example. They have a wide range of fans from various
ages
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around the world,
although
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audiences cannot understand Korean,
people
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can easily feel the emotions and energies from the rhythms.
Secondly
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, listening to
music
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does not demand any cost or techniques. Most
people
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can access
music
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easily without considering their cultural backgrounds and
ages
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.
On the other hand
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,
music
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does not seem to be the most effective approach.
Firstly
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, not everyone enjoys
music
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; other hobbies like dancing, sports, or food may be more suitable for them.
Furthermore
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, there is no doubt that travel is a direct and comprehensive method to learn about
people
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from different
cultures
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and
ages
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.
People
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are able to know deeper about each other,
such
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as their living areas and traditional cuisines, by means of interacting with local residents during their trips. In conclusion,
music
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is a great way of bringing cross-cultural individuals together
due to
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its accessibility and barrier-free communication.
However
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, it is not the only option because there are some alternatives,
such
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as dancing and food.

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task response
Task response: Make your view clear in every part. Give more strong ideas with more real examples to support your claim.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words neatly. Some lines are long or awkward. Try to keep one idea per paragraph and use simple links like but, and, also, so to show how ideas follow.
structure
Clear plan with an intro, body and conclusion.
balance
Shows balance by giving both sides of the issue.
example
Uses a real example (Blackpink) to back ideas.
readability
Easy to read and the flow is good.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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