IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some
people
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 believe that the extinction of plants and animals is a major environmental issue these days,
while
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 others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that there are bigger environmental
problems
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both ideas
along with
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 my opinion. The main concern of the loss of animals and plants is because it is a threat to cause an unbalanced earth that will affect many lives. Each animal and plant has its own role to create a stable ecosystem and maintain every habitat.
For instance
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, mangroves are often seen near the beach because they have long deep roots that grip the soil to prevent any unexpected increase in the sea level. If
this
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 species of plant is removed alongside the beach, it would cause severe environmental damage,
such
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 as floods or even tsunamis.
That is
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 why, I think that preserving rare species should be prioritized.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 assume that there are more significant
problems
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 in the environment which the public should be more concerned about since many of those are caused by the smallest act of a person,
such
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 as pollution and climate change. The majority of
problems
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 that lead to pollution and climate are
coming
Wrong verb form
come
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 from
people
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 who are unaware of their wrongdoings, so
that is
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 why I think that
this
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 second view appears because
people
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 should start to prevent and reduce the damages from their own.
For example
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, the usage of electric appliances should be reduced since it decreases the ozone layer and the North Pole. If
people
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 did nothing, I believe that it would create many serious
problems
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,
such
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 as the extinction of Polar bears. In conclusion, the lives of many are guaranteed by the environmental conditions, including
people
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. In order to prevent that,
people
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 should change their wrong habits and spread awareness to create a healthy earth together.

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introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and previews the main points to address both views. It would be helpful to either paraphrase the prompt more precisely or directly state the views before discussing them.
body
While discussing both views, ensure that you present balanced arguments for both sides. Use specific examples to support each view. You could include more varied and detailed instances or data to strengthen your arguments.
conclusion
In the conclusion, restate the main points briefly and clearly indicate your own opinion. Provide a more direct statement about your stance to demonstrate a clear position.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly between sentences and paragraphs. This will help in logically organizing the essay and enhancing the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Your task response can be improved by fully addressing all parts of the task. While you have discussed both views, providing a more explicit opinion would strengthen your response. Ensure that your opinion is consistent throughout the essay and is well-supported by your discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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