IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #people #stress #measures
Nowadays, when our society is in the stage of rapid development, a tendency can be observed to drop in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 who feel
anxiously
Change the word
anxious
show examples
. It is agreed, that the main reason for
this
 issue is that a bunch of responsibilities and requirements press on them.
This
 essay,
firstly
, will discuss why depression became common among
people
, followed by an analysis of solutions
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 can be suggested to overcome
this
 emotional problem. In general,
technology
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technological
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 progress promotes changes in
people
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
therefore
 humanity has to adapt quickly.
Firstly
, demands for work capacity became extremely high, so
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 has to
overpass
Verb problem
overcome
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 a lot of obstacles to stay involved in a labor force.
In addition
,
people
 are under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure
due to
 their possible replacement by artificial intelligence.
Secondly
, countless amount of new gadgets and
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
appears
Wrong verb form
appear
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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,
thus
, it creates a barrier between
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 and young
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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.
Finally
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 environment influences productivity and efficiency,
consequently
,
such
 polluted nature as humanity has now increases stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, there are some measures that can be applied to reduce anxiety and raise the standard of living.
For example
, it is important to increase the number of job opportunities, especially in urban areas.
Moreover
,
diligent
Correct article usage
the diligent
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 work of employees should be rewarded with benefits.
People
 have to be confident about their future , so there will be no need to replace them
due to
 insufficient performance.
Also
, it is better to provide
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extra support when new equipment comes to market.
Additionally
,
government
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the government
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 has to take some actions to protect citizens from
pestilential
Correct word choice
the potential
show examples
 effects of pollution. Considerable progress will be made, if all cars become sustainable, after all, health is a priority for society's prosperity.
To conclude
,
this
 essay supports the idea that a number of factors that contribute to stress
grows
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grow
show examples
 significantly,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 some confident steps can be made to reduce the rate of illness.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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task achievement
Clarify the thesis statement by directly addressing the causes and measures of the stress issue in the introduction. Additionally, your introduction should more explicitly present the topics that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is adequately developed.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your points and arguments. Use concrete instances or case studies to enhance the persuasive effect of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Double-check grammar and vocabulary to eliminate errors that can obscure meaning. Minor errors in the use of articles, agreement, and prepositions are present in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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