Nowadays most of the parents are working which lead to harmful effects on their children. what are the causes and result.
Today most families have both
parents
working to attain a decent life. However
, this
brings
a negative influence Verb problem
has
to
Change preposition
on
children
as the
family Correct article usage
apply
time
decreases. There are several key factors influencing this
today.
One of them is high inflation. Groceries, monthly expenses, student education, and entertainment is at it's all
Add a hyphen
all-time
time
high. And this
affects the time
parents
can spend with their children
as both are required to fill working hours. This
may lead children
to feel lonely,
and Remove the comma
apply
lost
precious family Wrong verb form
lose
time
to grow and nurture under their parents
supervision.
Loneliness and depression Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
has
been two of the keywords most used to describe the latest Alpha generation. In the early development period, it is crucial for Change the verb form
have
children
to learn socializing
and Verb problem
to socialise
to
respect elders. Fix the infinitive
apply
WIth
the void supervision of Correct your spelling
With
parents
at home, children
may become violent and disrespectful to seniors of their age. It is uncommon to hear the younger generation destroying invaluable historical artifacts
in an attempt to get their voices heard.
Dependency Change the spelling
artefacts
to
Change preposition
on
gadget
and lack of social skills has affected Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
children
to grow individualistic and self-oriented. While
there is a positive side of children
being able to learn faster than eras prior
, there is a tendency to only memorize and solve things instantly Rephrase
earlier
instead
of trying to learn the process. In South Korea, we have a TV program highlighting the day of a high-functioning student however
always missing by
1 question in his Korean SATs. During Change preposition
apply
the
his daily routine, one of the experts noticed Remove the article
apply
this
student often goes right to the answer page to solve them instead
of learning where in the process his calculations went wrong. This
indicates students are less patient and prefers
instant results.
All in all, I believe Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
children
are negatively affected when both parents
are working. This
causes children
to feel lonely, depend on gadgets, and socialize less which causes them to have less patience in this
world. It is important for children
to learn the process, experience failure, and accept them. With parents
supervision, I believe Change noun form
parent's
parents'
this
will enable more younger generation to have better all-rounded skills to equip them for adulthood.Submitted by verinacornelia298 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a logical flow, it would benefit from a clearer progression of ideas within each paragraph. Consider using topic sentences and subsequent explanation and example sentences to provide a more structured argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have presented an introduction and a conclusion which are both clear and relevant. However, make sure that your conclusion summarizes the main points more effectively without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but to enhance your score, incorporate a wider range of supporting details, such as data or research findings, to bolster your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task adequately, answering both what the causes and results of the problem are. However, deepen your response by fully exploring and developing each cause and effect, rather than merely listing them.
Task Achievement
You have presented ideas that are relevant to the topic, but they need to be expanded upon more comprehensively. Each paragraph should include a single clear idea that is thoroughly explored and explained.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher band score, include specific examples that are directly related to the main ideas. These examples should be detailed and used to clearly support your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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