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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Many
people
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 contend that the advancement of
technology
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 made them closer to each other,
while
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 some argue that it makes our relationship far away. From my perspective both views are valid,
however
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, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the merits. On one hand, it is evident that many
people
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 are able to communicate with each other easily through advanced
technology
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.
While
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 in the past
people
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 had to meet eye-to-eye if they wanted to have a conversation with their family who lived in another village or city,
people
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 just simply grab their phone and make a video call by WhatsApp with their relatives presently. They
also
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 can make new friends from other countries on social media
such
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 as Facebook and Instagram. Clearly,
this
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 facilitates easier ways to communicate, so that individuals can engage with other
people
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 more effectively, leading to strong bonds.
On the other hand
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, having
technology
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 development can result in isolation. Study reveals that individual
people
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 spend at least five hours on their screen each day, resulting in screen addiction.
Consequently
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, they tend to ignore direct conversations with their core family and try to have boundaries to meet many
people
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. Eventually, isolation like
this
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 can make a long-distance
person to person
Add a hyphen
person-to-person
show examples
 unconsciously and break the relationship.
Furthermore
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, in the long run,
people
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 who are in isolation might face social punishment.
For instance
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, their neighbours are more likely to have a bad tendency towards them because of decreasing social interaction.
Moreover
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, isolated
people
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 might experience depression because of
this
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there is a benefit to having advanced
technology
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 related to communication, there are too many disadvantages for individuals.
Thus
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, the drawbacks exceed the positive effects.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the essay topics and your own opinion to provide a solid foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use appropriate paragraphing to structure the essay and make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting sentences.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Expand on the main ideas by adding more detail and depth to your argument to fully address all parts of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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