IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #attention
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered by some that one of the best ways to convince people to purchase their products is advertising,
while
Linking Words
 there are others who think advertising is ordinary for drawing attraction. I,
however
Linking Words
, disagree with the latter on the basis of some compelling reasons. On the one hand, some people hold the view that advertising these days is too common;
therefore
Linking Words
 individuals do not pay attention to them.
That is
Linking Words
 to say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they have been exposed to lots kinds of marketing, they lose their charisma and do not have any influence on their audiences. A good illustration of
that is
Linking Words
 the mass kind of media around us
such
Linking Words
 as billboards, TV commercials, social media and newspapers. They believe
this
Linking Words
 because all the day they watch repetitive advertisements and they have no sense about them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, an opposing view asserts that advertising is a successful way to achieve companies' aims that selling their services or outcomes. To put it differently, if a company dedicate a certain amount of budget to advertising it will be gained more profit.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can introduce their new product in
this
Linking Words
 way and of course, being creative could be more effective for bringing spectators' attention. Take Delpazir sauce as an example; despite the passing of years, I have remembered their motto and it has been stamped on my mind,
also
Linking Words
 whenever I hear it Delpazir sauce comes to mind and it would never be boring and take my attention.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy,
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
balance;
however
Linking Words
, my firm conviction is that advertising is one step for businesses to enhance.
Submitted by niloofar_sk33 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph of your essay has a clear central idea which is then developed with relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overly complex sentence structures that may hinder the clarity of your arguments; simpler structures can often provide clearer coherence.
task achievement
Always make sure your introduction outlines the topics that you will discuss and provide a clear thesis statement that offers your opinion.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structures to better articulate your points and hold the reader's attention.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that are directly related to the points you're trying to make. This helps illustrate your arguments more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: