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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities around the world, traffic is serious problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to improve the situation?

#cities #world #traffic #actions #situation
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Most urban
areas
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 have been grappling with the huge
traffic
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 congestion across the world.
Although
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 city dwellers are used to having many facilities in large cities, excessive unplanned urbanization may lead to intense
traffic
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 jams which has a great negative impact on the development of any country. In
this
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 essay, I shall look into the causes of
this
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 phenomenon, and suggest some ideas to alleviate
this
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 situation. To commence with,
people
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 tend to live in large
areas
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 because of the availability of various facilities
such
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 as good educational institutions and health care facilities.
Therefore
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, a large number of
people
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 have been moving to the modern city from the countryside.
As a result
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, huge populations are responsible for creating unnecessary
traffic
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 congestion. Another important reason for increasing the
traffic
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 is that
people
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's income level has been improved.
Furthermore
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, the standard earning ability not only helps to improve the living standard but
also
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 encourages
people
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 to buy the vehicle individually which is why the number of private-owned vehicles has been soaring at an alarming rate nowadays. There are a variety of effective solutions to tackle these problems.
Firstly
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, the
government
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 may take the initiative to increase the number of public transportation since private-owned vehicles particularly cars and motorbikes cause heavy
traffic
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 jams in urban
areas
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.
Secondly
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, the
government
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 may motivate the industrialist to establish their factories in remote
areas
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 as per the decentralization strategy.
Finally
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, the financial institutions and
government
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 may impose a
high-interest
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high interest
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 rate on personal loans to discourage individuals so that they are unable to buy private cars and other private vehicles at a high cost. In conclusion,
although
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 it is challenging to improve
this
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 situation overnight, some landmark decisions taken by the
government
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 may help to reduce
traffic
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 congestion in metropolitan
areas
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.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task response, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes giving equal attention to the causes and solutions of the traffic problem. It would be useful to expand on the solutions with more specific examples and explanations to show a deeper understanding of how they would work.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, work on creating a clearer overall progression of ideas. This could be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraph are well connected to each other.
General Advice
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate greater language proficiency, which can lead to a higher score generally, not just in coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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