IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Somme young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems can caused by this issue?, what can be done to solve this situatation.

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In
this
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 era, most young
people
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 leave their hometowns to live in cities or urban areas. There are only elderly
people
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 who still stay in the countryside. I believe the main
reason
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 young
people
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 migrate is to get a better life or new experiences.
This
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 essay carries the problem and the solutions.
Firstly
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, most young
people
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 leave their hometown to study or work. Their parents pursue their children to get a better education.
Furthermore
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, most of the first-rate schools are in the metropolis area.
Moreover
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, after graduating from university young
people
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 decide to work in metropolitan since they get used to the environment.
Besides
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, education and work
reason
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,
facilities
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 can be the main
reason
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 why young
people
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 migrate to the capital city.
For example
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, in the town, they provide banks, hospitals, shopping malls etc compared to the urban area.
Secondly
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, the government should take action for
this
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 situation, they need to improve and provide the best
facilities
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 for the
community
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.
For example
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, in the education field government can recruit good teachers and
also
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 develop school
facilities
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. The authorities, need to increase
facilities
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 for their
community
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 in the rural areas
such
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 as building many banks so the
community
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 don’t need to go to cities or build many hospitals
for
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this
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reason
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 the
community
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 can secure treatment effortlessly. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, the populace of young
people
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 are happy in their hometown if they get first-rate accommodation. In conclusion, both citizens and governments have the main rule to reduce youngsters leaving their hometown,
although
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, living in the metropolis can be amazing as there are varieties there.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by consistently using paragraphs and logical connectors. Aim for clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Include both introduction and conclusion, making sure that they are clearly stating the purpose of the essay and summarizing the main ideas and resolutions, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear examples and evidence to support your main points. This includes statistics, data or personal anecdotes that are directly related to the topic, which will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Address the prompt completely by ensuring that all parts of the question are answered thoroughly. In this essay, while you mention 'leaving only old people in the countryside,' make sure to discuss the specific problems this causes for the countryside as well as for the young people themselves.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Elaborate on the implications of young people leaving and how exactly this could impact the rural communities. This will enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, if discussing the problems caused by youth migration, reference particular situations or case studies that highlight these issues, making your essay more persuasive and relevant.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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