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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

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The teenage stage of a person’s
life
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 knows no bounds and brings pure joy,
while
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 adulthood offers freedom, a sense of fulfilment and achievement.
Thus
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, some people deem adolescence the happiest part of
life
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,
while
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 others argue that maturity is more enjoyable. Both teenage and grown-up times can be idiosyncratic and full of blessings for certain people. Personally speaking, the happiest times of
life
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 may differ from person to person. On the
one
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 hand, as an adolescent,
one
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 gets unconditional love from their parents, and perhaps
that is
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 the happiest aspect of any teenager.
Additionally
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, in
one
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’s childhood,
one
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 makes friends who
last
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 for a lifetime,
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
show examples
 how to ride a bike,
experience
Correct subject-verb agreement
experiences
show examples
 unadulterated love, the feeling when
one
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 gets their first prize and countless other feelings that cause an adrenaline rush, and it becomes the revered memories for
one
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’s whole
life
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.
On the other hand
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, during adulthood,
one
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 is at the age of getting the first job, committing
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
oneself
show examples
 to a long-term relationship, travelling and following
one
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’s dreams which
one
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 cannot do when
one
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 is a teenager. These are the factors that contribute to creating happy moments.
However
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, as adults, everyone has more responsibilities.
For example
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,
one
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 has to find a job and take care of their family. Sometimes professional commitments may force
one
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 to compromise on family time, making them unhappy.
However
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, in the end, it is an individual’s attitude towards
life
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 that determines whether they can move on with a positive spirit. In conclusion, every stage of our
life
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 has its own set of comfort and solace, and some people get nostalgic about the past and try to relive their happy moments,
while
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 others are just happy in their adulthood.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to substantiate your points, especially in the sections discussing adulthood.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more transitions and connections between ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both perspectives in the prompt and provided your own opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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