IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Should the use of animals in circuses be banned?do you agree or disagree

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It is believed that using of
animals
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 in
circuses
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 should be prohibited. I completely agree with
this
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 notion because it is torturing
animals
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 and their place should be in
nature
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, not
circuses
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. First of all, organisations using
animals
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 in
circuses
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 are harmful to
animals
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. What I mean is that
,
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apply
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animals
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 have feelings as
people
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 have, and when
animals
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 get used for
people
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's joys, it affects their psychology.
In addition
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, healing their feelings and returning them to their
nature
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 will be hard.
For example
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, when
people
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 force
animals
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 just to make
people
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 laugh and amaze, those
animals
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 will never feel good and they can not be introverted in their environment.
Thus
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, it is extremely bad for
animals
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 because it is genocide to their feelings.
Secondly
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,
animals
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 need to live in their
nature
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, all the living born for get company with others in their field, eat together, communicate with each other and spend their time with others.
According to
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 the
Animals
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 Cooperation's reports, the reports show that
animals
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 who are used in
circuses
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 can not perform their duties as they do in their
nature
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 before they get touched and brought by
people
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.
Hence
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, the use of
animals
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 in
circuses
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 affects their life directly in a bad way. In conclusion, It is argued that organizations, shows or similar entertainment of
animals
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 performing in
circuses
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 should be banned. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 kind of circus needs to be prohibited, because it tortures
animals
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, and
animals
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 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to live in their
nature
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. The essay indeed presents a position, but it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement.
task achievement
Expand on your arguments with more detailed examples and evidence, such as statistics or studies, to strengthen the task response.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to build more complex sentences and use a variety of linking words to improve the essay flow and showcase a wider range of language skills.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cruel and inhumane treatment
  • freedom to exhibit natural behaviors
  • negative perception of animals
  • animal-friendly forms of entertainment
  • physical harm and health problems
  • abusive training methods
  • restrictive and unnatural environments
  • animal welfare
  • human entertainment
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