Success is often measure by wealth and material belongings. Do yout hink wealth is the best measure of succes? what makes a successful person?

#success #measure #wealth #belongings #yout #hink #succes #person

According to

data, there are a lot of characteristics of successful

people

. Several of them are measured by

wealth

and material belongings, but it should not be that superficial.

Wealth

is only a symbol of belonging,

while

success

is a form of impact that appears right after the actions are taken.

Success

is a verb, not a noun. We can not measure

success

only from

wealth

and belongings, as long as it can not have any impact towards the

people

or surroundings.

Success

can be determined when

people

witness these two conditions.

Firstly

, they can help their selves by fulfilling their necessity every day without burdening

others

, which is particularly called financial freedom.

This

current condition usually happens after humans complete the development and growth process. They include basic needs, likely food, home, and clothes.

However

, some

people

now believe other needs

such

as freedom and self-actualization have

also

become important to a successful life.

People

who can be able doing their activities in good health and/or

mental

Change the word

mentally

show examples

are

also

success form

Replace the word

successful

show examples

in maintaining their body health. On the other side, the ability to help

others

also

can be called successful. From the social context, humans can not live alone in

this

world,

hence

we need companions and hands from

others

furthermore

, humans agree that good and successful

people

are the ones who like to help

others

. Particularly those who suffer from difficulties. We can help by giving our support, not just financially, but

also

mentally. If we only have time and

ear

Correct article usage

an ear

show examples

to hear, we can

also

give time to someone who needs it. Giving something that actually can not be taken back is a form of

success

. In conclusion, neither

wealth

nor material belongings,

success

can not be determined by those kinds of stuff. It can only be determined by two conditions. Whether someone who can help

them selves

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

or someone who can give help to

others

who need it.

Submitted by adibah.r on Mon Jan 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and develops that idea with supporting details.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.

task achievement

The introduction should more directly address the question prompt. Clearly outline your view on whether wealth is the best measure of success and suggest the alternative measures that you will discuss.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points about what makes a successful person. These examples help to concretize your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

323 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Success is often measure by wealth and material belongings. Do yout hink wealth is the best measure of succes? what makes a successful person?

Your opinion

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree?

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

Some children spend hours every day on their Smartphone. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?