"In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
In some
nations
the Add a comma
nations,
number of
weight of Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
is rising and their levels of health
and fitness are decreasing . In my opinion
I believe that because of lack of physical activity and overeating.
Add a comma
opinion,
Firstly
, Nowadays some people
do not go to the gym as a lifestyle which can lead this
habit Change preposition
to this
to
Change preposition
of
gain
overweight. Verb problem
becoming
For example
, Some people
live their lives randomly without organizing a weekly schedule to go to the gym or do some exercise for their health
. As a result
, Which can these habit leads to physical diseases and get week
body. Correct your spelling
weak
Secondly
, most people
eat food
Irregular
and do not care about their Change the word
Irregularly
body
. Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
For instance
, some people
eat a lot of fast food
and eat too much of
Change preposition
apply
sweet
which can gain Fix the agreement mistake
sweets
big
number of calories. Change the article
a big
the big
Moreover
There are two solutions . Find an activity you enjoy. Moreover
, look for activities that you find fun and enjoyable. To illustrate, It could be dancing, swimming, hiking, or playing a sport. When you enjoy what you're doing, it's easier to stay motivated and make physical activity a regular part of your routine .Another solution is stop
eating fast Change the verb form
is to stop
food
and start eat
healthy Change the form of the verb
eating
food
like home cook
Correct your spelling
home-cooked
food
. Balanced and nutritious diet. For example
, Focus on consuming a variety of whole foods, including fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats. Avoid excessive consumption of processed foods, sugary drinks, and high-calorie snacks.
To sum up
, I believe that that
Remove the redundancy
apply
people
should do diet
for their Add an article
the diet
health
and have a regular diet schedule to care about their health
Submitted by s_syedy on
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure with defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs, as well as maintain logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could be enhanced by clearly outlining the causes and measures you will discuss. The conclusion would benefit from summarizing the main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
Expand on the main points by providing more detailed explanations and adding relevant examples to support each cause and solution addressed in the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task by covering all parts of the prompt. Discuss the causes of the increase in average weight and the decline in health and fitness levels as well as proposing specific measures to solve them.
coherence cohesion
Improve the grammar and sentence structure to enhance readability and clarity.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.