Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?

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It is irrefutable that a

country

Use synonyms

's growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are, and

therefore

Linking Words

some people suggest a free and state-provided healthcare and

education

Use synonyms

system. The burgeoning population and the lack of funds,

however

Linking Words

, often make it harder for the authorities to bear the expenses.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I disagree with the opinion stated and believe that an effective solution, in

this

Linking Words

case, would be to divide the expenditures between the

government

Use synonyms

and the individuals.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

education

Use synonyms

, nowadays, plays a vital role in the development of society. Not only does it create job opportunities but

also

Linking Words

helps people become aware of the socio-economic issues of the

country

Use synonyms

. Making

education

Use synonyms

free till the age of 18 would encourage pupils to finish at least their secondary

education

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, the percentage of student enrollment in schools in 2020 in my

country

Use synonyms

increased by 35% more than that in 2015, and it was because the

government

Use synonyms

exempted fees for students in these classes.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the healthcare system can

also

Linking Words

be improved by providing either health insurance or schemes that cover a minimum of 50 per cent of the cost.

Thus

Linking Words

people would not feel that healthcare is expensive, and the

government

Use synonyms

would not need to bear the expenses alone. A healthier nation can help the

country

Use synonyms

achieve greater heights as citizens in

such

Linking Words

countries are more productive.

Consequently

Linking Words

, economic growth will be bolstered and the

government

Use synonyms

will be able to become self-reliant.

To conclude

Linking Words

, with the implementation of shared measures to support

education

Use synonyms

and treatment, there would be no burden either on the

government

Use synonyms

or individuals. Both the

government

Use synonyms

and individuals can go hand in hand to cope with

this

Linking Words

and build an enlightened and healthy nation.

lychieuxienMon Jan 29 2024

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introduction

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it. While your introduction sets up the essay, including a clearer thesis statement would help define your position more directly.

coherence

Use a range of cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay to provide a clear structure. Your essay showcased a good use of linking words, but varying them more and ensuring paragraphs flow seamlessly will enhance cohesion.

examples

Develop each main point with specific, detailed examples. You mentioned statistical data but providing additional support or sources would make the argument more compelling.

paragraph development

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is fully developed and not merely listed. Your essay outlined various thoughts, but expanding these with in-depth reasoning or examples would improve clarity and depth.

conclusion

The conclusion is important and should not only summarize key points but also clearly restate your opinion in relation to the question. Ensure that it is persuasive and aligns with the content of your essay.

task response

Address all parts of the task by ensuring that you express your opinion throughout the essay. While your opinion was mentioned, it should be more prominent throughout each section of the response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their major subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to their main subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.