IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Dietry experts agree that many people have unhealthy diets. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#dietry #experts #people #diets
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According to
 experts, plenty of individuals enrolled in an unhealthy diet program. There are a few things that might be the root cause of
this
 issue, but there are
also
 some solutions that could be applied to address
this
 problem which I will discuss in detail in
this
 essay.
First,
it is widely known that social media has been a part of people's lives. On the platforms, the crowds could learn and gain information regarding diets, which is a topic that people are eager to know about.
However
, it is often hard to differentiate which information is true and not in social media.
This
 false news tends to be interesting,
such
 as claiming to help reduce weight massively within a short amount of time.
Thus
, a lot of dieters fell into
this
 trap and ended up with more unhealthy bodies.
Second,
dieters have
this
 image that hiring a doctor would be expensive because coming to the hospital or clinic in general tends to cost a lot of money. Yet, in reality, having a regular doctor to monitor the diet plan is not as expensive as buying multiple products that are advertised online.
In addition
, having a real doctor controlling your plan would suggest a higher probability that the diet would be successful.
For example
, a dietician would suggest their patient watch what they are eating and exercise consistently.
While
 a fake healthy product would advise to just focus on consuming their drugs. In my opinion, always double-checking the information spread on the online platform is necessary.
Also
, coming to an expert would be the wiser decision for those who want to start any weight-reducing plan. Dietary experts agree that many people have unhealthy diets. What do you think are the causes of
this
? What solutions can you suggest?
Submitted by mikeasad on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure logical flow by using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences; this will help guide the reader through the essay more naturally.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states the reasons for unhealthy diets and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your points and the solutions suggested.
Task Achievement
Develop each main point with clear explanations, and provide specific examples to substantiate your arguments.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of the requirements of the task. Address both parts of the question – causes and solutions for unhealthy diets – ensuring that you cover all aspects in sufficient detail

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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