IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed. Others believe that zoos are necessary for education and conservation.

#people #zoos #education #conservation
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The debate surrounding the existence of
zoos
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 has sparked controversy for decades.
While
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 some argue that
zoos
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 are inhumane and should be abolished, others believe they play a crucial role in education and wildlife
conservation
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and argue in favour of
zoos
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 for their educational and
conservation
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 efforts. On one hand, opponents of
zoos
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 claim that confining
animals
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 to small enclosures is cruel and unnatural.
Animals
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, they argue, are deprived of their freedom and often suffer from psychological stress in captivity.
For example
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, many large mammals,
such
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 as elephants, require vast areas to roam, which cannot be replicated in
zoos
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.
Moreover
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, critics highlight cases where
animals
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 display repetitive behaviours, indicating distress.
Therefore
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, they contend that
zoos
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 should be shut down to protect
animals
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 from
such
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 conditions.
On the other hand
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, proponents of
zoos
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 argue that they serve as valuable centres for education and
conservation
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.
Zoos
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 allow people, especially children, to observe wildlife closely and learn about species that they may never encounter
otherwise
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.
Additionally
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,
zoos
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 often participate in breeding programs for endangered species, helping to preserve biodiversity.
For instance
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, the captive breeding of the giant panda has been instrumental in preventing its extinction.
Consequently
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,
zoos
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 play an essential role in both education and the
conservation
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 of endangered
animals
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. In conclusion,
while
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 the ethical concerns of keeping
animals
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 in captivity should not be overlooked, the benefits of
zoos
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 in educating the public and preserving endangered species outweigh these concerns. As long as
zoos
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 strive to maintain high welfare standards, they can be a positive force for both wildlife
conservation
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 and public awareness.
Submitted by Кожадаргулов on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are elaborated equally; while education and conservation are discussed well, more examples of successful conservation programs could strengthen the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The transition between arguments is smooth, but using more varied linking words can enhance the flow and coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, addressing both sides before concluding effectively in support of zoos.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph logically follows the last, which contributes to a clear and coherent overall structure.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the giant panda breeding program, effectively support the points made about conservation.
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