Some people believe that old people should take part in sport to stay healthy. Others think there are better ways for old people to stay healthy. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As
people
are getting matured, it becomes utterly important for them to stay healthy regardless of their
age
. Whilst
people
argue that
people
who are over 50 years old should participate in
sports
activities, certain individuals claim that there are other pragmatic alternatives for those
people
to pursue a fit
life
. It is my own contention that every human being should be involved in sport to remain in shape,
however
, I
also
think that there could be some unique techniques that can generate promising and longer-lasting results. First and foremost, it has been scientifically proven that as we get older, our bodies are prone to downgrading in the form of fat gains and cumbersomeness in physical activities.
Therefore
, the significance of doing physical exercises or actively engaging in
sports
events should be acknowledged by
people
to uphold a good lifestyle at older ages.
For example
, in countries like Japan and China elderlies are practising outdoor
sports
activities by stretching their body which positively impacts blood circulation and helps them to stay flexible even in old
age
.
This
is why the average living
age
is higher in those countries than in every other place.
On the other hand
, being fit in the body at older ages is not a walk in the park and comes
along with
certain responsibilities.
Furthermore
, we just illustrated the benefits of actively taking part in
sports
,
however
consuming healthy foods and staying away from stress are
also
salient factors that rigorously influence the older generation, improving
overall
life
expectancy by a substantial amount. To illustrate, pursuing a fibre and fruit-based diet can help seniors digest them faster without decelerating their metabolism and digestive system.
Additionally
, having a stress-free
life
is
also
a massive contribution towards achieving a healthy
life
at
such
old
age
. Based on the many scientific research results, stress is pinpointed as the leading cause of many terrible diseases and,
thus
, death among the senior populace. In conclusion, despite taking part in athletic pursuits being an indispensable part of old
people
's routines in order to remain healthy, a few crucial variables
such
as eating healthy and living a stressless
life
are among the main reasons for lifelong vitality.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed throughout the paragraph. Avoid including multiple points that might not be fully explored within single paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Relatedly, ensuring that the connection between your main points and the supporting examples or explanations is clear will strengthen your coherence and cohesion. Consider linking your ideas more explicitly to the central argument in each paragraph.
task achievement
For task response, while you have addressed both views and given your own opinion, which is good, strive to offer more specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and fulfill the task requirements more completely.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer progression of ideas, with each paragraph logically leading to the next. Work on transitions between sentences and paragraphs, which can improve the overall flow and understanding.
task achievement
Lastly, ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and both views before stating your own perspective. In the conclusion, reiterate your main points succinctly, making certain that your own opinion stands out clearly in relation to the discussion.

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