Governments should spend money on education than that of sports and recreation. Do you agree or disagree?
There is
notion
that expenditure from national income on Add an article
the notion
a notion
education
aspet
is more paramount compared to Correct your spelling
aspect
other realm
Change the wording
another realm
other realms
such
as sports and recreation. I completely agree with that view and this
essay will shed a
light on my agreeness.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, allocating money
on
Change preposition
to
educational
context should be done since there are still a lot of improvements that have to be made in that sector. It is vividly evident in Indonesia, that several schools, particularly in rural areas like Sulawesi or Papua, are still far away from the word ‘proper’ to conduct Correct article usage
the educational
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
proces
because of the insufficient facilities, Correct your spelling
process
such
as chairs, tables, markers, and white boards
. Correct your spelling
whiteboards
Hence
, it becomes the responsibility of Indonesian
government to spend Correct article usage
the Indonesian
money
from national income in order to improve the education
necessities, thus
students can have a supportive environment to learn.
Correct word choice
so thus
Furthermore
, the expenditure on eduation
Correct your spelling
education
area
can aid some unfortunate children and young people who cannot Fix the agreement mistake
areas
enroll
themselves in schools. It is because students do not have other parties to pay their school fees which significantly contradicts Change the spelling
enrol
with
other activities, Change preposition
apply
such
as sports or recreation, where those pursuits can still be conducted with money
from sponsors or tourists. With the money
allocation
in educational sectors, the government can cover the tuition fees of students from low-income Replace the word
allocated
family
, resulting in equal opportunity for every Fix the agreement mistake
families
children
and young Change to a singular noun
child
people
to receive Fix the agreement mistake
person
education
.
To conclude
, the expenditure on educational sectors is necessary since some facilites
need to be improved and it can help unlucky children who cannot receive Correct your spelling
facilities
education
like others.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear overarching structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence and follow with supporting sentences that are cohesive and logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the connection between ideas by using a variety of linking words and phrases appropriately to help the reader follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, develop your main points fully with detailed and specific examples. Ensure that each point is clearly stated and well explained, and clearly take a position in response to the prompt throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the complexity and accuracy of your sentences. Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and to make your writing more engaging to the reader.
task achievement
Work on the depth and development of your main points by expanding your arguments with specific details, explanations, and examples. This will enrich your essay and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Check your work for any grammatical errors or typos that may hinder the clarity of your argument or distract the reader. Proofreading can improve the overall quality of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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