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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the popularity of well-known Instagram accounts in 2018 and 2021. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the popularity of well-known Instagram accounts in 2018 and 2021. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #popularity #instagram #accounts #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the popularity of 5 popular Instagram accounts (Cristiano Ronaldo, The Rock, Arian Grande, Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez) in 2018 and 2021.
Unites
Correct your spelling
Units
show examples
 are measured in
millions
.
Overall
, all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five accounts
had shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in the given period,
while
 Cristiano Ronaldo
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the most
fans
 in the
last
year
. The remaining four accounts
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 about the same
number
 of
fans
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the
last
year
. Cristiano Ronaldo had about 110
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
fans
 in the first
year
 and the numbers
had dramatic
Wrong verb form
dramatically
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 to about 320
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, which has the highest
number
 of supporters. The rock started
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 about 100
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 supporters, who had the least
supported
Replace the word
support
show examples
 in the first
year
, had
also
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 double the
number
,
approximately
Change preposition
to approximately
show examples
 260
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Similarly
, Arian Grande, Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez started with about 120
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
fans
 and
also
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 double the
number
 to about 250
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
fans
.
Submitted by chewweyyan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words millions, fans, year, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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