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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Automated systems can replace labour, do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, automated
systems
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 have become incredibly sophisticated, integrating machines into various employment fields.
While
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 some worry that
this
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 activity can potentially replace human labour,
others
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 believe that automation
instead
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 complements human abilities. I wholeheartedly agree with the latter opinion, and
this
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 essay will explain why. First and foremost, self-operating
systems
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 beneficially affect certain job industries,
such
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 as engineering and customer service. Automated processes can be established for various tasks,
such
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 as coding, gathering customer data and even chatting.
For example
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, most online shopping platforms implemented chatbots for communicating and assisting buyers with easy issues.
As a result
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, with
this
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 automated aid, the operation of different companies becomes more productive and efficient, without completely replacing labour.
Additionally
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, certain occupations are unable to exist without human interaction,
such
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 as teachers, actors, therapists and doctors. These jobs cannot be substituted with machines, as they participate in activities like building a connection with
others
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, maintaining eye-to-eye contact, expressing empathy and kindness, and mimicking movements and gestures, which are impossible to achieve by robots and self-managing programs.
For instance
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, if robots try to engage in teaching, students will not gain knowledge about how to build relationships with
others
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 providing kindness and sympathy. In conclusion, even though some argue that machines will take over employees, I truly believe that it is unlikely to happen. Most industries require human participation and collaborative work which is hard to do with self-regulated
systems
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. These
systems
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 aid in attaining goals but
not
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do not
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 fully replace workers as they are needed for monitoring processes and interacting with
others
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and maintains focus on that idea throughout. Avoid introducing new ideas unexpectedly.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, strive to make them more specific by including real-world data or citing studies to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your conclusion summarises your main points effectively without introducing completely new information.
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