The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
The pie charts compare the
ages
of Yemenis and Italians between 2000 and
future
predictions for 2050.
Overall
,
although
in 2000, Yemeni teenagers had a wider proportion of the
population
, it is predicted that
Correct article usage
the adult’s
show examples
adult’s
Change noun form
adult
show examples
portion will increase slightly.
While
adult Italians
show
a major portion in 2000, it will be subsided by adults and seniors’ people in the
future
. In 2000, the youngest accounted for almost half of the
overall
age of the
population
, which will
be decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
in the
future
and account for 37.0% only.
Whereas
adults
show
a ratio of just under half of
overall
ages
, it will increase slightly to 57.3% in the
future
.
However
, the oldest represents
a
Change the article
the
show examples
smallest proportion of all, highlighting that in 2000 and 2050, the percentage of 60+ age years of
Yemen
Correct article usage
the Yemen
show examples
population
account for 3.6% and 5.8% in the
future
respectively.
In contrast
, Italians
show
a different result. In 2000, 61.6% of
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
ages
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
around 15-59 years old which will
be decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
in the
future
and is predicted to be just under half of the
overall
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
0-14 years old children account for 14.3% of the
population
, it will be dropped slightly in the
future
to 11.5%.
furthermore
, the elder citizens of Italy
show
a dramatic proportion, starting with the
population
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elderly was
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
for 24.1% which will rise significantly and expected that the portions of elder people increase marginally, accounting for 42.3% of
ages
in people.
Submitted by sadiahussain028 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, overall".
Vocabulary: Replace the words ages, future, population, show with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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