IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
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It is still debatable among people whether
animals
 used in
experiments
 should be outlawed,
while
 others argue that experimentation on
animals
 is important in order to achieve scientific breakthroughs. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on the reason why
such
 an experiment should be forbidden
along with
 a possible
alternative
. First and foremost, using
animals
such
 as baboons, rabbits, rats, etc. for
experiments
 brings more negative perspectives in society. Many scientists sacrifice the species' lives to achieve a high novelty experiment.
For example
, in pharmaceutical sciences and medicines, some experts aim to find new drugs for disease prevention like in cancer drug research. They use specific species and make them have
such
 cancer cells in their bodies before treating them with newly discovered drugs. If the
result
 shows a good reaction, the drugs are
then
 believed to have benefits in cancer medications.
Consequently
, they kill many
animals
 which may lead to extinction.
Moreover
, many
animals
 end up endangered
due to
 massive exploitation.
However
, in
this
 state-of-the-art era, technological advancement can be utilized as an
alternative
 way of experiment. There are many applications and methods for gene research
such
 as computational chemistry, using virtual-based atoms to learn how our body is generated.
This
alternative
 is common worldwide, if the statistics show a negative
result
,
then
 scientists should not continue to learn about their study
further
. It means their
result
 is not suitable for human gene application.
As a
result
, it will lower the number of species used for
experiments
.
To sum up
,
although
experiments
 on
animals
 are important for discoveries in science, it seems to me that another possible
alternative
 that can lower the number of cases of animal experimentation is computational-based research.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are presented more equally to satisfy the requirements of a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
Expand on specific examples to support your arguments. Personal or widely recognized examples could be more integrated into your explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
You could enhance the logical flow of the essay by including more discourse markers and transition phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
To make your main points clearer, each paragraph could focus on one main idea and be expanded with more detailed explanations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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