IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

smoking is a habit that claims many lives and is a great drain on health services.one way to combat smoking would be to make it illegal. what are the pros and cons of such a government policy ? what alternative strategies can you suggest to combat smoking ?

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smoking is widely recognized as a dangerous practice that causes many deaths and consumes most healthcare resources. some people claim that
one
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 optimal method to fight smoking is to announce its unlawful activity. in the following paragraphs, I will discuss the main advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 strategy and recommend some other effective approaches to overcome smoking. on the
one
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 hand, banning smoking seems to have some positives.
for instance
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,
this
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 will reduce smoking levels rapidly. for clarification, most smokers will quit smoking because they are afraid of being fined or even sent to jail.
moreover
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, prohibiting smoking will improve the public health. to explain, when giving up smoking, people will avoid many diseases,
such
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 as lung cancer, that result from
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 dreadful routine.
As a result
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, societies will have more active and healthier members.
on the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks to prohibiting smoking,
one
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 clear downside is that many black markets may start to appear. to clarify, smugglers can seize
this
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 opportunity to handle cigarettes illegally by selling them for higher prices regardless of the age of their consumers.
One
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 more disadvantage is that other kids of addiction may emerge.
in other words
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, smokers may turn to addiction to some more dangerous substances which are harmful to their health.
However
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, smoking can be fought by many other effective ways,
for example
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, raising awareness is a key point to achieve
this
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 goal. governments and social organizations need to work together to launch some campaigns that aim to educate people about the hazards of smoking.
moreover
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, they can force high taxes on tobacco products, which will make smokers think twice before buying them for their expensive cost.
to sum up
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, after analyzing both sides of the argument, it is not hard to see that there are many other effective ways to overcome smoking like raising awareness and increasing the prices of cigarettes.

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Task Achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. While you've covered the pros and cons well, integrating more specific, real-world examples or studies to support your points will strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
In Coherence and Cohesion, maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay is crucial. Consider using a wider variety of linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and signpost the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, structuring paragraphs clearly – with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence – can further enhance readability and the overall organization of your essay.
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