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Band 2

Many people buy product that they do not need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily.(4.15) Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is a good thing?

#people #product #products #ones
The trend of replacing outdated items with a newer version that
bought
Add a missing verb
was bought
show examples
 uselessly by a group of
people
 is burgeoning in number. I believe that
this
 action is unproductive because it tends not merely
following
Change the verb form
to follow
show examples
 their desire compared to their needs but
also
wasting
Change the verb form
to waste
show examples
 money that can actually be used
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 another worthwhile expenditure.
Purchasing unnecessary
Verb problem
Unnecessary
show examples
 items by
people
 has mistakenly looked for confidence and fulfilment in material things. They
also
 try to impress other
people
 with the things that
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 own rather than the
people
 that
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are. Evidence for
this
 appears in my own life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when my cousin
borrow
Wrong verb form
borrowed
show examples
 money from the bank to purchase a state-of-the-art car, and he was so proud of himself when he showed it to the local community.
Likewise
,
people
 who buy 'useless' products tend to waste their
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they could utilise it to
a worthwhile activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
worthwhile activities
a worthwhile activity
show examples
,
such
 as investment or even charity.
Instead
 of making progress
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own life or communities, those
people
 are 'comfortable'
to play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
 their game falsely. Considering the evidence, I am
conviced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that purchasing unnecessary items by
people
 is not worthwhile because it is unproductive and a waste of resources.
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coherence cohesion
Develop the main points with additional detail and explanations. Use examples to support the arguments, ensuring that they are directly relevant to the topic.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make the essay more interesting and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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