IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
One school of thought holds that companies should prioritize generating profits, and they are not required to have social duties.
While
 I accept that perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are other factors that companies need to contribute to their societies. On the one hand, creating profits is vital to the maintenance and development of any firm. First and foremost, having decent earnings could not only help organizations cover a variety of operating costs
such
 as office, invoices, bank interest, and even loans but
also
 contribute to growing their businesses.
For instance
, corporations need a huge budget to acquire cutting-edge technologies to improve productivity
as well as
 the quality of their products.
Furthermore
, firms' incomes might enhance their workers' living standards.
For example
, a financially successful firm means that hard-working employees could have a higher salary, which helps them not only to pay for their accommodation, food, and bills but
also
 have savings that guarantee a stable life and a bright future.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that organizations should give a hand to help their communities. One rationale is that manufacturing could cause environmental issues.
This
 is because factories could dispose of smog and other pollutants, which might contaminate the air and water sources nearby and badly affect residents living around them. Another justification is that donating to poor people would solve social problems
as well as
 help corporations gain more reputation. To be more specific, supporting low-class individuals to have jobs or learn skills that they use to make a living might decrease criminal rates.
As a result
, governments and citizens are more interested in those enterprises, thereby encouraging consumers to buy their products more frequently as a support activity. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that maximizing incomes plays a crucial role in each enterprise, I would contend that they should take public contributions into consideration.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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coherence cohesion
To further strengthen your essay's logical structure, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases that show clear connections between your ideas and arguments. This will help your essay flow more naturally and provide a seamless reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Following this, provide supporting sentences with detailed explanations or examples, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph or transitions smoothly to the next one.
task achievement
Perform a thorough check for minor grammatical errors, and ensure proper verb tense usage and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.
task achievement
Integrate more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. While general examples are provided, including real-world case studies or statistics can make your arguments more compelling and persuasive.
task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more decisively. Restate your stance clearly and succinctly to leave a strong final impression on the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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