IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people believes the benefits of tourism outweight the problems it creats in a particular space. discuss both views and give yor own opinion.

#people #tourism #outweight #creats #space #yor
In the present age, there has been much discussion around the issue of whether
tourism
 causes more pros than cons. Some people think the advantages of
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 are more than disadvantages and others disagree with
this
 statement. Personally, I agree with the former statement and I will explain the details in the following content. On one hand,
this
 industry can help the economy of the host country to become
flourish
Change the form of the verb
flourishing
show examples
. When
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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enter
Change the verb form
enters
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the country, they bring money with
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and they have needs
such
 as accommodation and food,
thus
 new job opportunities will be created especially for local people
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
 new hotels will be set up and more employees will be needed for them.
Moreover
,
tourism
 can lead to
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of the infrastructure of the
city
 because when the population of the
city
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 by entrance of tourists,
government
Add an article
the government
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 have to expand the infrastructure of the
city
 like expanding the transportation system and these changes will bring more welfare to the residents.
On the other hand
,
tourism
 can cause inevitable problems for the
city
 and the residents. First of all,
although
 it can be a great source of income, incoming money pushes up prices so the costs of living will grow too. The second one,
urban
Add an article
the urban
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 problem will be created by
tourism
.
For instance
, many cities
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not the capacity
of
Change preposition
for
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 more population so traffic will rise
therefore
 locals
have
Verb problem
will
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more time
for reach
Change preposition
to reaching
show examples
 their destination.
To sum up
, despite the fact that
this
 industry brings many advantages for the host country especially financially, it brings its own flaws,
however
, I believe the benefits of
this
 issue easily overweight the problems.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on varying sentence structures and use a range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the conclusion succinctly summarises the main points made.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Drawing on real-world statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes can make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your opinion is presented clearly throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, and that you address both views equally.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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