IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many societies are full of pollution. Why is this? How to solve?

#societies #pollution
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In
this
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 day and age, it can be overtly observed that the most imperative environmental issue is
pollution
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 individuals have been suffering from
this
Linking Words
 harmful problem for decades, little do they know nor are aware of the causes and how to deal with
this
Linking Words
 particular issue.
This
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 essay will deeply examine both reasons leading to
emissions
Use synonyms
 and what measurement can be adopted to reduce
pollution
Use synonyms
 rates which will be indicated in the following paragraphs: First and foremost, nowadays, more and more activities lead to a giant leap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as transportation. To clarify, the major factor which is the cause of a huge amount of
pollution
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 is carbon emission launched by the use of
vehicles
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. Take the higher rate of personal
cars
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 in Thailand
for example
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; albeit more electricity trains are available for ones to travel across the capital city, Thai adults own more than one car per person
due to
Linking Words
 the trend of showing their wealth, resulting in more number of
cars
Use synonyms
 on the road, more rate of carbon dioxide in the gas, which is risky for respiratory diseases like lung cancer.
From
Change preposition
For
show examples
 the aforementioned reason, cooperation from both the
government
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 and their citizens is needed to reduce the
emissions
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 launched by
vehicles
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. Take a look more closely
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 perspective, the measurement should be provided to decrease the use of
vehicles
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. A higher price of
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
,
for instance
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, can affect the decision of those who would like to buy
cars
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;
moreover
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, a
government
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 can apply
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher rate of car tax and oil to discourage
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 from driving their own
vehicles
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 and encourage individuals to travel by public transport
instead
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.
In addition
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, if more people
cooporate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
corporate
 with their
government
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 to reduce the number of
cars
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, less and less
emissions
Use synonyms
 will be launched, and thereby more clean air will be available for everyone. In the light of causes and measurements, it can be summarised that every sector needs to be aware and lend each other a hand to solve the higher
pollution
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 rates caused by the
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of
cars
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. Meanwhile, the more measures the
government
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 launched to decrease
emissions
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, the more cooperation from its citizens can make those strategies effective, resulting in clean air for every individual.
Submitted by giftsuvichaya1702 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion should be distinct and bookend your main points effectively.
cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by connecting your ideas and paragraphs more coherently. Use a range of linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
content
Support your main points with relevant examples and details. Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
task response
Make sure to fully address the task by covering all parts of the prompt in your response. Your essay should thoroughly discuss the causes of pollution as well as potential solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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