Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.
These days, it is seen that drug addiction and committing suicide are common issues in youth. Some people believe that it is happening because rather than giving enough time to children,
parents
are busy with their jobs. In my opinion, I completely agree with Use synonyms
this
notion because lack of care towards youngsters raises many major problems.
Linking Words
To begin
with, the massive populations of developed nations Linking Words
such
as America, Australia, Canada, and India are affected by the consumption of drugs and a majority of the surveys on Linking Words
Internet
say that approximately 75% of drug addicts are below the age of 17. After conducting numerous research the studies show that Add an article
the Internet
parents
' minimal involvement in youngster's life leads them to attract towards bad company. Use synonyms
Also
, the high influence of online media Linking Words
while
watching violence and unethical actions makes youth familiar with inappropriate consumption Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
cigarette
, alcohol, etcetera. Undoubtedly, to provide juveniles luxurious lifestyle Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
parents
do hard work but forget to introduce them to the main chapters of ethical mankind and the difference between good and bad actions.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, the absence of guardians raises the sense of loneliness in the child because children at a tender age are not Linking Words
much
expressive and always want to share their experiences with their loved ones but when they find no one around them it affects their mental status and they feel their presence unwanted. Rephrase
very
Additionally
, Linking Words
such
factors impact children's concentration levels and give birth to depression which fills their minds with hopeless thoughts. All these reasons result in suicidal attempts. Linking Words
For example
, In India, the research from 2011 until now reveals that nearly 65% of suicidal cases are depression patients and from which approximately 33% are youth.
In conclusion, the official authorities are taking continuous steps to diminish Linking Words
the
social concerns. The government implies huge fines for committing suicide, counselling support, a ban on public smoking, and reliable laws on drug consumption but major support from Correct article usage
apply
parents
must be needed to completely curb these issues.Use synonyms
Submitted by
on
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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the task and provides a clear opinion. While your introduction is adequate, it could be more explicit in stating your position.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points. While you have offered support for your views, try to offer a wider range of evidence and explore these ideas in greater depth to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
task achievement
Be cautious to not generalize without sufficient evidence. The statement about government fines for suicide, for example, may not be factually correct across different countries, and requires clarification.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure with clear paragraphs, but work on the transitions between ideas to make the progression from one point to the next smoother and more natural.
coherence cohesion
Refrain from using overly complex structures that may deter from the clarity of your main ideas. Keep a fine balance between complex sentences and clear, concise information.
coherence cohesion
You have generally presented a clear conclusion that restates your position and summarizes your main points. Make sure it flows logically from the points made within the body of your essay and reinforces your overall argument.