IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that humans can use animals in any way for their own benefits. others, however, believe that people should not use animals in the wrong way. discuss both this views and give your own opinion.

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The utilization of
animals
Use synonyms
 as commodities has sparked a heated argument between those who believe that it is in our nature to make the most usage out of it no matter how the process may look like and those who believe certain standards should be imposed when it comes to it. I would say that the latter provides the best argument considering the fact that as a human it is our moral responsibility to encourage ethical practice. First and foremost,
animals
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 are living beings who have a certain degree of intelligence.
Due to
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this
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, they are prone to feel emotions
,
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apply
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 and have the ability to remember, and process information.
Hence
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, in the process
of
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, humans as a race
that is
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 blessed with the highest degree of intelligence, should take those factors into account and treat them as fellow living beings. The implementation of it may look like a proper and adequate shed, nutritious foods for them to feed, and a painless method of killing. The impact of ethical farming does not only affect them as herd
animals
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 but
also
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 us as consumers. Research has found that stress-free
animals
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 produce the best quality of meat.
Thus
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, it should be noted that ethical farming is not only an option but
also
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 a necessity.
Secondly
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, we have to take into account that
animals
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 play a vital role in the ecosystem as a whole.
Therefore
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, a sustainable cycle of breeding should be taken into account to avoid breaking the food chain and species variety. By doing
this
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, we are honouring the Earth for its resources and preserving the planet for the next generation.
Consequently
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, doing so would ensure not only the continuity of our
animals
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 but
also
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 the existence of the human race.
For instance
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, the usage of toxic chemicals for fishing should be banned. Not only that they exploit our sea excessively, but their use of it
also
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 harms underwater life, destroys coral reefs, and is prone to eradicate certain commercially profitable species.
In addition
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 to
this
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, fish collected with the use of toxic chemicals
also
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 tend to have poor side effects on the human body who consume it. In conclusion, ethical and responsible animal usage should be encouraged to
further
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 preserve the existence of many species and maintain the quality of life for our grandchildren years to come

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that the essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and arguments should be sequenced in a way that they build upon each other. Work on making connections between points clearer and use cohesive devices appropriately.
Task Achievement
Address both views presented in the prompt fully and develop your own opinion throughout the essay. Make sure you provide a balanced discussion before stating your own perspective. Provide more in-depth examples that directly relate to the topic to support your arguments better.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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